In one of his most revealing interviews, NASCAR Cup driver Bubba Wallace explained why depression has been and remains a struggle for him.
Wallace opened up about his battle with depression, the relationship he has with his parents, as well as his racing career.
Wallace first said he suffered from depression in May after an emotional breakdown earlier this year at Kansas Speedway.
On the Dale Jr. Download, Wallace expounded about his battle with depression.
“I guess I’ve never looked at it as a sign of weakness or coming out and talking about any issue that I have,” Wallace said. “If you ask me, I’m going to tell you. I don’t know if it’s the bigger picture or light at the end of tunnel, but I was definitely in rough times there at Kansas. They were like, ‘What’s going on, you seem different?’ And I said, ‘I’m depressed, it’s as simple as that.’
“For weeks and weeks (since then), I’m still getting thanked for talking about depression, that it’s helped so many people. I’m like, ‘Oh, I didn’t know it was such a big deal.’ I was just asked what was going on, and I told them because I’m an open book. What you see is what you get. But it’s such a bigger deal than ‘I’m just depressed. Hey, I’m going through this, days are dark and long and I’m quiet and lonely and I’ve never been able to come out and talk about that. It’s signs of weakness and whatnot.’
Wallace went on to say:
“I’m pretty good at holding things in. That’s my problem. I held it in for so long and it had just built up. I don’t talk. When I’m mad, I just hold it all in. That’s what’s ruined relationships and whatnot. I just hold it in and a day later it blows over and ‘Hey, what’s going on?’ and you don’t realize the damage you’ve done.”
When asked if he now sees his public revelation as a regret or release, Wallace replied it’s been the latter.
“A release, for sure, a release of emotions, anger, frustration, tears, sadness, darkness, loneliness, everything,” he said. “When I talked about it, it’s emotional to think about it to this day. There’s still days … it’s been a lot better, (but) there’s still days that I’ll go home, sit on the couch and just look at a blank TV.”
Wallace said he did see two therapists to help him deal with his problem.
“I tried,” he said on the Dale Jr Download. “I went to counseling and people say there’s nothing wrong with counseling. I went and did that twice with a psychiatrist and psychologist and it was very weird, sitting there talking like this is what I’m feeling. ‘Well, why are you feeling this way?’ I don’t know, I just am. They said you’ve got to give it time, it’s not going to go anywhere in two weeks and I stopped going. I can’t do it.”
Earnhardt interjected he also has gone to therapy. Of the first few times of discussing his problems with a professional, Earnhardt felt relieved, noting: “This is an awesome person and I’d like to spend more time with them and we’ve become very close friends.”
Wallace said it’s been nearly four months since he went to therapy but continues to work on his problems on his own. It’s part of wearing his emotions on his sleeve and being an emotional person.
“That’s how it’s always been, really,” he said. “I think I’m guilty of doing before I think, especially on the negative side. It’s like, uhhh, probably shouldn’t have done that.”
Wallace also talked openly about how his parents’ contentious divorce in 2016 impacted him.
“This is the first time I’ve talked about (the divorce),” Wallace said. “That’s why I like this show, because honesty comes out. It’s like speak the truth, nothing but the truth.”
He shared more, including what happened after his mother told him: “Well, me and your dad got into it.”
That led to a physical confrontation Wallace said he had with his father.
“The light switch went off, I got in my truck and went over and fought my dad, like swinging fists, just did before I thought. A physical altercation,” Wallace said. “For 15 years of racing it was me and him. And then that day, that was it.”
But things are starting to get back on track in his relationship with his father.
“This year, finally my dad and I are making some progress,” Wallace said. “My dad is super hard-headed to talk to and just to make him understand things. I still love him to death, no matter what, right, wrong or indifferent, he’s still my dad.
“Multiple times I did (extend an olive branch to his father). His favorite saying is, ‘Time shall heal all wounds.’ I’d say, ‘Hey man, wanna talk?’ He’d say, ‘Time shall heal all wounds.’ A couple months later, ‘Hey man, wanna talk?’ He’d say, ‘Time shall heal all wounds.’ You still have a little bit of that awkward tension there.”
Wallace cited his relationship issues with his father impacting him.
“This is a big chunk of the depression I’ve had, losing your best friend,” Wallace said.
Catch the show on today at 5 p.m. ET on NBCSN or click here to listen to the entire podcast on Dirty Mo Radio.