In case you haven’t heard, a little movie called Avengers: Infinity War was released last week and it has made all the money.
The Avengers, also known as “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes,” are a ragtag cast of characters and personalities that on paper shouldn’t work, but in reality make for drama that has captured audience’s attention for 10 years in cinemas and decades in comic books.
This raises an obvious question.
Which NASCAR Cup drivers - current and retired - would make up the Avengers?
Here’s an exhaustive (one afternoon of contemplation) evaluation of NASCAR’s best.
Send your Avengers/NASCAR recommendations to Daniel McFadin.
Nick Fury - Steve O’Donnell, NASCAR’s chief racing development officer, is the most visible face of NASCAR’s leadership. Now imagine that face with an eyepatch.
Iron Man - Austin Dillon has that Tony Stark style and he parties like the billionaire playboy philanthropist would if he owned a barn.
Rocket Raccoon - No, Tony Stewart isn’t a talking animal. But the talking raccoon is a weapons expert who likes to make things go boom. If you’re ever in a tight spot that requires the use of a flame thrower, Stewart is your man.
Star Lord AKA Peter Quill - Clint Bowyer has a couple of things in common with this character. Both are from the Midwest. Bowyer hails from Kansas and Star Lord from Missouri. Also, Bowyer is the driver most likely to call someone a “turd blossom.”
Captain America/Falcon - These modern-day best friends and allies bring to mind the Ryan Blaney/Darrell Wallace Jr. duo and NASCAR’s best bromance.
Spider-Man - The youngest member of the Avengers is a tech savvy teenager just getting his feet wet in the superhero world while also attending high school. William Byron fits the mold of the webslinger as he navigates his rookie year in Cup while taking college courses.
The Incredible Hulk - Don’t make Matt Kenseth angry. He might not be physically imposing, but poke the bear enough and you’ll have to face his inner Hulk in-between haulers after a race or find yourself punted into the wall at a short track.
Thor - Jeffrey Earnhardt has the beard, he just needs the hammer.
Doctor Strange - The Sorcerer Supreme has the ability to manipulate time and space. When it comes to restrictor-plate racing these days, few are better than Brad Keselowski at manipulating the draft to work their magic.
Drax the Destroyer - Just like this Guardian of the Galaxy, it takes a lot to make Paul Menard smile.
Black Widow - For a long time the former Russian spy was the only woman in the Avenger boys club and Danica Patrick was in a similar position in Cup until moving on after this season’s Daytona 500.